For the last month or so, I have been in a hurricane, so it feels, in my life. It's one of those instances where it's nothing of your control. It actually didn't even have anything to do with me, but when things arise with people we love it seems to fall back on us. Although this didn't begin with me it has ended up being a major dealing within my heart! The first emotions began with hurt & anger then escalated to betrayal, abandonment & jealousy, later onto deeper personal emotions of worthlessness, lovelessness & loneliness.
*Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. ~Matthew5:4*
*But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. ~Romans 5:8*
I hate to feel out of control, & ironically enough, that was exactly what God was trying to teach me through this, to let Him have all control! It wasn't in my control so I needed to quit trying to take control! No-one was listening to me anyways so it was pointless for me to continue to do.
*"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." ~Matthew 26:41*
I was no longer enjoying life, instead I was full of doubt, worry & stress. (Along with all the previous mentioned emotions.) Can we just say, "a complete mess!" l0l !! We know the enemy had a tight grasp on me & instead of resisting him, I was letting him squeeze tighter & tighter. He knew where my downfall was & he took advantage of it when I was the most vulnerable!
*Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, b|c we know that suffering produces perseverance; ~Romans 5:3*
*Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ~James 1:4*
I prayed over this storm constantly & even released it over to God several times, BUT I now see that although I meant it when I released it to God, I didn't trust him enough to have it! I still wanted some kind of control. So, God continued to let me have it! If I was gonna be hard headed & stubborn well by golly he was gonna let me! You see, God wants us to lean on Him completely! Not just enough for the moment, but enough for when the obstacles get tough again that we'll let Him take it! I was entirely miserable & lifeless when I had this storm on my shoulders! I even got frustrated with God many times because he wasn't taking this from me. But, the whole time He was telling me, 'my dear, just let me have it, let me handle it, I will fight the fight for u, release the pain to ME!' I was just too self absorbed & thought I could handle this on my own! Pretty funny, huh! No-one on this earth can handle anything without God's help, no-one !! And if we try to, we'll end of failing at some point! God wants to bring us into a new place that is full of freedom to follow your heart b|c that is where His law abides.
*"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; ~ John 14:1*
*The Lord's hand is not waxed short. He is able to meet all my needs! ~Numbers 11:23*
This storm still isn't over, It's still a struggle everyday, but everyday I'm getting stronger & stronger with God! He's walking it every step of the way with me! As hard & heart ranching as this is, I know God has a plan. I know there are gonna be some mountains along the way & not everyday is gonna be simple but when u rely wholeheartedly on God, there is some kind of peace he provides that is unexplainable! It's a day by day thing. Some of the emotions still pop up occasionally but every time I start to feel them I release them to my Father, God! I've also learned that it's ok to cry, to be hurt & it's ok to be angry, but to be angry at the sin & to respond in love! When u respond in the anger, that u feel, u r then doing the same that the person you're angry at is doing!
* What goes into a man's mouth does not make him 'unclean', but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him 'unclean.'" ~Matthew 15:11*
*"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, and to love kindness and mercy, and to humble yourself and walk humbly with your God?" ~Micah 6:8*
I'm so blessed that God has brought me to this point thru this storm! Please continue to pray for my strength, as this battle is no where near over!
*"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." ~John 16:33*
God is Love! <3
* I ask & I receive, that my joy may be full. ~John 16:24*
*But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. ~ John 16:13*
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